i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
