You're earring is so big in my mouth
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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