I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
