So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
