I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
