I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
