I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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