She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
