i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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