Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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