just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
