he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
