Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
