i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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