So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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