i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
