i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
