i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
