That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
