yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
