hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize