I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
