I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
