I'm really into asian looking animals
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
