It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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