Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm way too hungover for life right now
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
