remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
