I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼‍♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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