i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
