so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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