i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
