So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
