In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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