umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
