i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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