So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
