Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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