Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
