either way he was missing a nipple.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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