A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
farters have to be the big spoon...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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