you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
