I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
