Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
