he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
