My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
