Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
