just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
