my vag is so smooth its legendary
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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