Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My balls are so social today.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
