sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
