Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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