I think I am morally bankrupt
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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