I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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