ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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