On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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