her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
