Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
