Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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