god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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