GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
