I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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