Just invented taco cereal.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
