If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
