After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
