we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
