She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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