Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
