i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
