First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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