Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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