Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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