OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
